


Roger is a Total Pussy

by lover_of_blue_roses



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Freddie is a good friend, Gen, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Witchcraft, brian is cuddly, cat!roger, john is allergic, swearing is the only reason it isn't gen, turned into a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 12:33:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19745860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lover_of_blue_roses/pseuds/lover_of_blue_roses
Summary: Roger is turned into a cat





	Roger is a Total Pussy

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Swearing  
> I needed a writing idea and this was what they came up with

Cat!Roger

Roger isn't having a great day. You know how it is; sometimes you are a famous fabulous rock star and sometimes you are changed into a cat. Could happen to anyone. Is that not how you've started your day? Lucky bastard.

Roger isn't sure but it is possible that the really freaky girl he had fucked in New Orleans had actually been a witch and not just a crazy person that was really into the occult. It would explain his feline predicament.

He is more of a dog person but being a cat wasn't the worse. He could have been turned into a rat or into a frog. More traditional, but harder to get around and more likely to be thrown out.

He isn't too sure what he looks like. All his senses are very different. Everything is so loud and there is much more detail and crispness to the sound; it's very odd and not conducive to being a rock and roll drummer.

Despite not changing with his glasses, he doesn't feel that lost. He still cant see details and is sure he can't read a road sign like this, but he can tell he has much better night version just by how well he can see with the curtains drawn.

Surely the band will notice him missing and will come and find him as he is? Even if they don't recognize him as Roger, he's hoping they won't abandon him or leave him behind. That would be the worst possible outcome. He'll have to be on his most charming behavior.

A grouchy grumpy and clearly hungover Brian is the one to open his door when he's late by fifteen minutes to arrive at their meeting spot. Brian seems very confused as soon as he enters the room and looks around as though in a fog.

"Well did you find him?" Freddie's voice calls out. Freddie steps into the room and he too looks dazed and confused. "Oh what have we here? A pretty kitty?" He approaches slowly with one closed hand. The smells light up under Roger's nose and he's amazed by all he can pick up, Freddie's breakfast of toast and butter, his coffee, his perfume, hand-soap, sweat, nail polish, laundry detergent either from his clothes or from the bed he slept in. Nothing threatening of course.

Freddie scratches at Roger's head with a firm touch and Roger can feel himself leaning in to melt under the ministrations. It's like a deep-tissue massage, it feels amazing. "A cat with blond fur, blue eyes," Freddie leans over as though to check his tails' base, "A boy."

 _Holy shit, Fred! No. Just because it's impossible to be wearing pants doesn't mean you get to look at my balls, what the fuck. What the fuck._ "Mmm, I suppose then I've got to name you after the biggest pussy I know." _Bitch._ And with that declaration Freddie scoops Roger up and leads him out the door.

"Did you find him?"

"Oh yes darling, look it's Roger." Freddie says holding up the cat like a prize. Roger is deeply unamused and would lash out at one of them if he didn't understand he badly needs to stay with them until this spell is cleared.

"Alright then. I guess we are good to go," John carefully reaches out and tries to save the poor pussycat from Freddie's hold. Deaky does this to be kind, the only difficulty is that he has never held a cat before and instead holds Roger like a human infant. Roger squirms in Deaky's grip to be right side up.

The three boys then all troop along back to where the tour bus is awaiting them. Roger isn't really surprised after being turned into a cat this morning. The same magic that took away his stunningly beautiful face has also made his band members forget about him. Or at least not remember him correctly. He had seen how befuddled Freddie and Brian had looked when they stepped into his room.

They settle into the bus and John sneezes uncontrollably three times.

"Allergic to cats?" Crystal asks sympathetically.

"I don't know, I never really been near a cat. I might be."

"Well, I am and I plan on being in the very front if you want to come join me." Deaky nods at the roadie's advice. Queen is, as often, camped out in the back with four seats and a joining table.

Roger's a little stressed and grumpy. Seeing such a dear friend be literally unable to be with him hurts. It's not John's fault but it's still sucky and isolating. What Roger really wants is a cigarette. If he avoids thinking about how he could possibly get one or light it, he wonders if the mechanics of a cat's mouth and lung would even make taking a drag possible. The nicotine hit from just one though would probably be amazing on his currently tiny body though.

Before he can ponder it more, Deaky is handing him off to Brian. Unlike Deaky that had clearly never held a cat and did it in a way that was uncomfortable, Brian is careful and capable as he cradles him against his chest. Brian smells lovely and clean unlike Freddie and Deaky that reeked of stale tobacco. Maybe Brian was right when he complained about smoking.

Freddie and Brian go to their usual seat in the back of the bus with Roger on Brian's lap. Brian is very skinny and could definitely use some fattening up, but his thighs are comfortable enough. And then, and then-! Sweet, glorious Brian with his slender, long guitarious fingers starts to massage his neck! It feels amazing. Roger feels as though all his muscles are melting and only his new furry pelt is stopping him from being a big melted puddle. He rolls onto his side and relaxes his limbs out in front of himself. His pleasure builds in the back of his throat and the purring is unstoppable. Not that Roger would want to stop, whatever will keep Brian's hand on him.

The bus starts and Freddie lays out a scrabble board. John Harris and Phoebe join in to be four players. Roger only looks around to vaguely see what he suspected was true. He can't read like this. Not just because his eyes without glasses are weak but probably also his cat brain. Roger doesn't really care as long as Brian plays one-handed and doesn't stop. When he does however, it makes Roger angry and cranky. He latches out with his claws and snatches onto Brian's sleeve. Oi!

Freddie chuckles and Brian quickly understands that he is not to stop. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world to be pet by Brian. The buzz of the bus engine, the scratches on his neck and the melodic tones that is Brian's voice lull him into a dead sleep.

When the bus stops for the evening the boys are kind enough to take him with them so he need not walk to follow them. It looks like for this leg of their touring they have two jointed twin rooms for a total of four twins. They all pile into one room so Roger doesn't spread his cat hair where most-probably-allergic John will have to sleep. He is full of energy from having slept all day and once set free in the shared hotel rooms, bounces off the walls. "Poor darling is bored and needs to be exercised or he'll destroy the furniture," Freddie realises. "What we need are cat toys and I don't think we have anything here that will make do."

The three boys look around their room and through their suitcases. In the end it is clever engineer Deaky that figures out a solution. He takes a wire coat hanger from the closet and pulls it apart to get a long rod and instructs Freddie to make a birdie out of toilet paper to put at the end of it.

With this new makeshift cat toy in hand, they play joyfully with Roger. They pass the toy between each other so that Roger can't ever seem to really catch it for more than a second. He knows that it's just a toy and there will be no prize to catching it and yet he can't help the desire to want to capture it between his teeth.

The boys get dinner brought to them by Phoebe and a can of wet cat food for Roger. It's some kind of tuna and actually it's very good. Roger thinks good food would probably be a lot worse. It takes him about 2 minutes to scarf it all down after not eating lunch or breakfast. Then he lies down in a temporary food nap as the boys continue to eat. The boys go off to take their showers in turn and the remaining ones play with Roger. Roger is still full of energy and finds the shadow game Freddie plays with his hands to be a nice change of pace.

Until Brian goes off to the shower. After having Roger on his lap all day, Brian positively reeks of Roger. And if he takes a shower and changes into his pj's he won't anymore. Roger has noticed the difference in his thought-process since he is a cat but he can't help himself. His eyes are distracted from the shadow puppets to Brian's leaving figure. He jumps after him only to end up in front of the closed bathroom door. He meows pathetically and scratches weakly at the wood. He paces around unhappily before sitting down and just staring at the knob.

Freddie comes to where Roger is sitting and tries to engage him in something. But Roger no longer wants to play, he just wants Brian back. It's fine though if Freddie wants to pet him, it's not as pleasing as during the bus ride. Instead of deep scratches right under his head, Freddie does firm open palmed slicking down motions. They too are nice and he can feel himself being squished against the carpet and that feeling is helping him manage his anxiety. In what feels like an eternity but is probably only 20 minutes Brian and his fabulous amount of hair steps out.

Roger meows pathetically. In the pajamas, Brian doesn't smell like Roger. He just smells like himself, laundry detergent and hotel soap.

"Poor Roger has missed you terribly," announces Freddie.

"Oh?" As Brian can't figure this out by the way Roger weaving between his feet, spread his smell and his hair all over his trousers and legs. Brian smiles sweetly showing his pointy incisors.

"I've missed him too," and with that Brian gently scoops him up and pressed him against his chest. Roger purrs in delight. Brian is wonderful and warm and smells really strongly of conditioner. What exactly does must he do to maintain that mane?

"Looks like I'm only his second favorite. He was simply inconsolable without you." Freddie continues.

Roger feels bad about this. While Roger had known Brian for longer, he's always been closer to Freddie. They spent all that one-on-one time at their stall, laughing and joking like possessed hyenas. But recently some things have started to change. Brian has come out of his shell as he has become more confident with his stage persona and life decisions. He has also grown out his hair and stopped straightening it which does wonders for his long face and slender jaw. Sometimes it feels like Roger has fallen in l-

Anyways, Freddie. Dear darling Freddie that has been his best friend and that too deserves some loving.

Even if one day, say hypothetically, Roger did in fact want their guitarist to look at him maybe with some particular affection, that can't happen as a cat. Their bond is deepening everyday and maybe one day it will grow into something new and more. For the moment he's a cat and he needs to stop being a cat if anything is to ever change. So for the moment he needs to not neglect Freddie, not just because Fred is a cat lover and is his surest ticket to remaining with the group, but also because Freddie is his friend that cares from him so much.

Brian goes to sit down on the couch with Roger held tightly to his chest and slouches down before the TV. Deaky is in the armchair as to also be able to see without being in sneezing range hopefully. Freddie flops down next to Brian and makes a casual quick brush over Roger's back. With his claws extended Roger catches Freddies sleeve and looks at him in the eyes. 'No. More,' he tries to communicate. And so as the boys watch _Guess Who's Coming to Dinner_ , Roger sat on Brian's chest and Freddie softly petted him. Roger would rather be a human but this was nice, this was very nice.

And when the movie was over and the boys wished each other goodnight, Freddie absently leaned down to give Roger a kiss on his head. And with a poof their blonde drummer was returned.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the exuberance [Sammy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammyspreadyourwings/pseuds/sammyspreadyourwings) they write the thrilling ace!brian series amongst lots of other stuff  
> and yes there is one (1) led zeppelin reference, digital cookie to whoever finds it first


End file.
